I can't hear myself think over the constant ideas;
Can you imagine not being able to hear yourself think? This is a constant reality of mine, especially when I have not taken the appropriate amount of time to sit in quiet reflect, or just enjoy some silence. As a mom, believe me when I say silence is never underrated. I find now with a toddler I crave the quiet that I once took for granted more and more. I really thought about it the other day, and I haven't had the time to meditate in a comfortable state since my youngest has arrived earth side. I'm starting to feel as if I can't remember a time when I did meditate. Granted, I do remember I would spend hours in the park with my feet in the grass and just sitting quietly, or letting my tears flow as needed, even just listening to some tunes and communing with nature by taking it all in. Yet I can't remember the journeys I would take when I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. In some ways I long for those moments of clarity.
See, that's exactly why I haven't been able to hear myself. It's like my daily readings have been eluding to the need to create a plan more and more. Yes for success, however more so I can remain in wellness. Some may think "why not meditate when she's napping?". It's a great thought and believe you me I have also thought this would be the solution. However there is so much more that requires action, that nap time isn't an adequate amount of time to get the amount of meditation my soul is craving. You see, I need about three straight hours of alone time to get some of these things in my mind out and in order. Nap times are still in the phase of sparingly, if at all and if anyone knows what a "velcro child" is then I've said enough. If you don't be grateful, 😆lol. Despite this challenge I am sure at some point I will be able to find the space and time to map out exactly what I see.
I have such respect for the individuals that are able to maintain their content, websites, craft, and so much more by themselves. Others may have help which is cool, yet those individuals making things happen by their lonesome are truly special. I constantly feel as if I'm missing something. No matter how much I create a schedule things seem to always come in and interrupt the flow. Which in turn knocks me out my groove and there goes my production. It doesn't help that I also have a touch of perfectionism and always feel like things have to be a certain way before I can share them😅. This makes projects take so much longer and also contributes to my incomplete project folder often. I haven't been able to figure out how to crank out projects faster than my brain is on to the next endeavour. I know "WRITE IT DOWN"! If only it were that easy. It is just that easy and once I have had the time to sit and regulate my nervous system I'm sure I'll come up with a phenomenal flow that will be able to with stand the unexpected changes. Even writing this I have had to stop at least 4 times to give my attention to one thing or another that wasn't me focusing on completing a task I started because I had an idea.
I am however very proud that I have come to acknowledge where the disconnect comes in completing things I start. As well as the monkey mind. Being able to identify the challenges helps when it comes to creating solutions. For example, my monkey mind I know could use meditation, yet because there isn't enough time in the nap period for me to do the timeframe I would like, I'm thinking maybe break down the amount of meditation into intervals in the day. Creating a list of the projects that I would like to have completed by specific time frames could be the first step in actually getting them completed. Granted I stick to the schedule the list helps create. That's were consistency and routine rear their lovely heads again, lol. I am seeing the bigger picture (just how much one lesson can lead back to another), yet now it is time to break that picture down into tangible actions that can be completed in order to see the actual progression towards that magnificent view.
The steps to creating change include:
- Recognition
- Reflection
- Solution
- Action
Change is inevitable. How you choose to handle said changes determines how far you can reach. Fighting the change can lead to a disconnect of spirit, mind, and even most times body. After all majority of the dis-eases afflicting individuals come from harmful negative spiritual hygiene that turn into mental uneasiness, and then manifest as physical illness. Where as if you can be intuitive enough to accept the difference and alchemise its experience into your life, then you can vibrant in true alignment. Being aware of so much and not having an outlet to express can also contributed to "monkey mind', so I count my platform a blissing in itself as well. Despite the amount of work that is required to bring my vision into fruition, I'm choosing it and myself as the truest reality. That 9-5 is simply to fund the vision till it has legs of its own to walk. Yes there is comfort in knowing that a check will come each week and there is security in having it, yet the risk in deciding to take the time to pursue what calls your soul is why this life is worth living at all. Even when you aren't sure of what is exactly calling to you purpose wise. The fact you get to live it at all is the gift. So cheers to the million and one things that I have to get done, some way some how they will add up to MY Ultimate DESIRE and that's the only reality I am living for; 🦋